I can’t read. Of course I can’t. I’m not even 2. If I could, I’d be on Ellen as the novelty act who closes the show after the famous people are done promoting their movies and pretending to be down to earth.
But Mom’s 32-years-old. She should know how to read! But yesterday, she signed up to run the Marine Corps Marathon for the Alzheimer’s Association. It’s a great cause and something my great grandfather suffered from for 10 years. However, Mom didn’t check out the fine print and only later saw that she was on the hook for raising $1,500. She insists it said “suggested goal” on the registration form. A likely story.
If any of you Maddie Uncensored fans want to help my poor, unobservant mother hit her goal (because why should a worthy charity suffer from her mistakes), you can donate here: katiedenis.
Of course, given my concern over Mom’s reading comprehension skills, I might be taking up a collection to donate here:
She reads to me every night, but now I question the authenticity of what she’s saying. Does Olivia really save the circus, or is Mom just making up words to go along with the pictures? Do I really have brains in my head and feet in my shoes? Does she even love me to the moon and back? Am I supposed to say goodnight to the moon or not?
My world is shattered. My only consolation is that she’ll have 26.2 miles to think about her reading skills.